After a long battle with Womb Cancer since 2018 and numerous rounds of treatment, Bev (The Warrior Princess) died peacefully on 20 June 2024 - in no pain, at home in Honley Yorkshire, surrounded by her loving family. You can read more about her cancer journey in previous blogs.
As well as being a brilliant writer, Bev was passionate about preserving and nurturing the beauty of the earth. She actively campaigned and lived her life with a passion to limit the devastation and consequences of climate change.
Her natural-eco-burial, attended by
family and close friends, took place on the 5th July in a beautiful woodland site in Settle, North Yorkshire. The burial service was led by her close friend Margaret Roberts who we knew for over 30 years. It was a beautiful occasion - all planned by Bev of course! She loved this area of the country holidaying there and spending many hours walking.
A service to celebrate her life took place on Saturday 20th July 2024 at St David's Church, Holmbridge, Holmfirth and was attended by around 200 people from different paths on
her journey of life. As Bev requested, no flowers were given, but gifts were made to various causes that Bev championed. Her JustGiving page remains open for contributions to Peaches Womb Cancer Charity a charity she campaigned for throughout the last year of her life.. At the service of celebration of her life a number of her closest friends and each of our four children paid tribute to the wonderful person she was.
Three videos were played at the Service:
A video as each of our four children brought up a plant to the front of the church which they will then take and plant in a place of their choosing.
A photo montage of different images of Bev at various points in her life.
A video containing images of the Woodland burial site and her burial
Bev was a great writer and, knowing that she would be probably be leaving us at some point soon, she wrote letters to me, each of our kids, her sisters and some other close friends - to be given to them after she had left us. When Bev and I first got together 32 years ago, in the heady romance of new love we often wrote letters, notes and cards to each other. Shortly, after she died I discovered, a box, where Bev had kept every letter, card and note I had sent her in those early days. Sadly I didn’t do the same. But stood at the service surrounded by family and many friends, I read Bev, my dearest sweetheart, the love of my life, a final letter of tribute from me to her. I share that letter with you now.
Dearest Bev
We are now 32 years on from when we first got together and I miss you so, so much. 32 years is a little less than half your life and a little more than half mine (you know I always liked to remind you that I’m younger than you!). The pain I feel now that you have gone is like no other pain I’ve ever experienced; it’s like a part of me is missing - because in the last 32 years you have completed me! Though I know that, with the passage of time, the intensity and sharpness of this pain will diminish there will always be an ache deep inside and a longing for us once again to be together. I realise, and you would also tell me, that the sharpness of the pain I feel will fade with time - but the memory of you, of the love and life we shared together will never leave me.
When we first got together, I brought two young boys with me and you brought your two girls - each of those kids wonderful (at least most of the time!). From two separate households we became one true family with a deep shared joy and love for each other and it is that love that is now sustaining us as we mourn being without you. I think in the end we did okay raising our four kids. From those beginnings we now have 13 grandchildren who I know you
loved deeply and were sad to not see all of them grow up and maybe even have kids of their own. We will remind them often of you - Grandma Bev - and how much you loved them. You brought many others you loved into my life who have also become precious to me. Your mum Eunice, even with her funny ways, loved and supported us until day she died. I gained your sisters and brother - in particular Ali & Lucille with whom we have spent a lot of happy times and many memorable holidays - we plan for those times to continue.
You and I were both people who knew many others and had many friends - you touched so many lives in extraordinary and often quiet ways (even though not many people would ever describe you as quiet!). You wouldn’t believe the number of emails, messages and cards that I’ve received. Even though you would have been honoured and touched - I can hear your voice as the eco-warrior that you were
going on about the carbon footprint of production, purchase, sending and recycling of those cards. But though we both had many friends we always had a smaller, tight-knit group of really close friends some longstanding, some more recent - and most of those are here today. They have travelled with us as good companions on our journey together, through good times as well as tough times, and saw each of us not only as good people but also with all our imperfections and shortcomings.
You were such a big personality; creative and sensitive and also quite loud at times - especially when we had the very 'occasional' row (and you can’t correct or raise your eyebrows at me now - I wish you could) and I would often ask you to not shout as others
might hear. This of course made you deliberately shout even louder! Oh what I’d do to hear your loudness again - our big house, and my life is far too quiet now! If there is one thing I, and I think many others, will always remember, as well as your big personality, is your great big generous heart and the way in which you held people closely but money, possessions and material things lightly. As a cautious, rational person myself, you taught me that generosity comes out of a thankfulness for all that we have been blessed with and our joint mantra over the last 12 years at least was that whatever we give to others we can never out give God and all that he has given and blessed us with.
That generosity has meant that our family has grown. When you saw the plight of families in Ukraine you immediately said we need to offer our home to someone in need. And we did.
And we now have a whole new Ukrainian family who we have grown to love - Valentyna - ‘Mia sorella’ (my sister) as you would often say when speaking your shared language of Italian to each other; a newly adopted Ukrainian daughter in Daniella for whom you shouted and searched until you found her a flat when she needed it; and their whole wider family in Ukraine that sadly you never got to meet. That generosity also means that we have other ‘adopted’ kids in Wayne & Ruth who lived with us as part of our family for 6 months when they first came to Huddersfield.
When we moved to Yorkshire and fell in love with Green Cliff house - we should really have been downsizing - you said to me... ‘even though I love it and want it - we can only buy such a big luxury house if we commit to holding it lightly and not as our own and say to God that it belongs to him and we will be generous in using it for anyone who needs it’. I hope you feel that we have always honoured that - we have certainly been blessed by what has come back to us.
Bev - the other thing I admire in you is your passion for justice. You have always shouted up and advocated for those who are disadvantaged and marginalised through your employed work, voluntary roles and other settings. As a young Learning Disability Nurse in the 1980’s you were instrumental in promoting the 'normalisation' agenda for people with Learning Disability; fighting passionately for them to be given equal rights and opportunities to live a life similar to that of other non-disabled people away from incarceration in large, often cruel, institutions into a more supportive, community based life. You also led the development of services at Treetops in Marple, offering care and support for children and young people with combined learning and physical disabilities and importantly setting up short and long-term respite care to enable parents, carers and other family members to take a break from the constant challenges and exhaustion of caring.
When you became Director of Children’s services at Stockport NHS Trust I was so proud of you. The new Children’s unit which you played a key part in commissioning and designing is still serving Children and families today. Your final employed work project was working with Ed Balls who was then Secretary of State for Children, Schools and Families who became a good friend (even though I won’t tell him you never voted for him in Strictly come Dancing!). You helped to implement a government policy across the North of England aimed at setting up and improving services and respite short-breaks for children with disability and their families. Many of these projects that you initiated are still going, even though the next Tory government sadly cut funding significantly. You’ll be delighted to hear Bev that Labour are now back in government!
Your passion for caring for the earth, fighting to try and halt climate change and all things eco, though about trying to make a better, more sustainable world for our grandchildren and their children and future generations was also about justice. Challenging the greed and injustice that has caused the ecological problems we are already facing and the fact that those most impacted by our actions or lack of action on environmental issues are and will be the poorest and most disadvantaged people and parts of this planet.
Even when you retired (early of course as you always liked to remind everyone) you were never not busy. You volunteered like it was full-time job. Over the years, as well as continuing to serve in the church as a licenced lay minister and more recently as an eco-champion, you led the Stewarding team at New Wine; you set up and ran a reading group;
started Café Connect for those who were lonely; campaigned for the Labour party and; during Covid played a key role in the Honley vaccine centre as well as shopping and delivering medications for the lonely and isolated. Even when you were going through chemotherapy and then immunotherapy you started volunteering at the Welcome Club in Honley and it was only in March this year, when you were so exhausted from treatment, that you said to me ‘I feel awful letting people down but I think I’ll have to stop volunteering’. It makes me exhausted just reflecting on how much you did but that was who you were always giving to others.
Since your cancer returned you championed the cause of womb cancer and this continued right to the end. When you said to me that you were going to raise at least £10,000 for Peaches womb cancer Trust, I remember saying that I thought that was a bit over-ambitious. But as was so often the case, I was wrong and you were right (and I know you’ll be delighted to hear me say that as admitting when I was wrong and you were right was, as you often told me, one of my shortcomings). The total you have raised just through your JustGiving page and the hard work of all those you inspired is now heading for £13,000. You would be so grateful to all those who have donated.
Throughout your life not only have you touched my life but the lives of so many, many people. You wouldn’t believe the number of emails I’ve had from people across the country who are saddened by you leaving us - I’ve never had so many emails and cards from Bishops, Archdeacons and others who were so appreciative of your skilled and insightful work on the National Discernment panels, and your eco-work within the diocese and the local area.
Lots of people will miss you but I will especially miss you as the dear and loving wife and friend you were. Now you are gone:
Our house will remain much tidier but I miss your mess (even though it was never really a mess - just me and my obsessional ways)
I’ll miss your smile and your looks at me - even your sometimes sarcastic, sideways glances when I say something stupid!
I’ll miss your kicks under the table or that particular look you gave me to say - shut up John you’re going on a bit now (you’re probably looking at me that way right now).
I’ll miss our holidays and travelling the world together (all organised by you) - amazing, yes we visited over 30 countries in our 32 years - I promise I’ll do that Italy by rail holiday that is so meticulously planned out on a spreadsheet on your laptop
I’ll miss your acting and your beautiful creative writing and monologues that so often brought me, and many others, to tears as they always touched our emotions
I’ll miss what I called your ‘nagging’ which you preferred to call ‘robust reminders of things I’d promised to do’ - I will get the fence fixed and I’ve already put that new kitchen unit together that has been in the garage for 6 months and it’s actually in place.
Anyway - You would be the first to say that you weren’t perfect - none of us are! I certainly think I could have been a better husband but I’m not going to beat myself up with regrets and rather focus on remembering the great life we had together. I’m glad that your death was also a good one. As ever, you wanted to remain in control and gladly you managed to persuade the doctors to let you come home from hospital to die despite the risks. Those final three weeks with you were precious - allowing us some final time together and for you to be surrounded by the family and others who loved you dearly. You were at peace, and in no real pain and knew where you were going - into the arms of your Saviour who you loved and sought to serve as well as you could.
Thank you Bev (my warrior Princess) for a life well-lived and in particular for loving me - I miss you so much.
Your loving Husband John
xxxxx
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